Caring for Living Things When You Struggle to Care for Yourself

Caring for fish, plants or a garden can provide routine, connection and a sense of purpose when caring for yourself feels difficult. For me, aquaponics became a gentle form of garden therapy, giving me small daily responsibilities that eventually helped me reconnect with my own needs.

How Showing Up for Life Outside You Helps Bring You Back to Your Own

There are days when self-care feels impossible. The world becomes heavy, and even small things like cooking, cleaning or remembering to eat feel like too much. When you live with anxiety, trauma, or exhaustion, caring for yourself can feel like trying to lift a weight you can’t see.

But I discovered something quietly life-changing: when I couldn’t care for myself, I could still care for something else.

When I first began keeping fish, I didn’t expect to form any real connection. They were part of my aquaponics system: functional, beautiful and important, yes, but I didn’t realise how deeply they’d become part of my healing. Over time, the daily rhythm of caring for them began to fill the spaces where my own care had once been missing.

There’s something wonderfully uncomplicated about caring for fish. They don’t expect you to smile, or talk, or be okay. They respond to consistency — to the small, repeated actions that build trust over time. Feed them each day, and they rise to meet you. Keep their water clean, and they stay healthy. They don’t ask for perfection, only presence.

That became my first step back to stability: presence.

Even on the hardest mornings, when I felt too scattered to start the day, I’d go outside to feed the fish. The sound of bubbling water greeted me, soft and steady. The moment the food touched the surface, they’d dart up — flashes of silver, gentle ripples spreading across the tank. It was such a simple exchange, but it reminded me: I could still show up. I could still give care, even when I felt empty.

And in giving care, something inside me slowly began to wake up.

Finding Purpose Through Aquaponics

At my lowest points, I’d lost the ability to believe that I mattered. But the fish relied on me. They needed me to keep their world in balance — to test the water, to ensure the flow, to watch for signs of stress. That responsibility didn’t feel like pressure; it felt like purpose.

Caring for something living reconnected me to the cycle of life itself. I could see cause and effect in real time — the way small actions created harmony, the way gentle attention prevented imbalance. It reminded me that tending to life, even in its smallest forms, still mattered.

When Daily Care Becomes a Mindful Routine

Over time, that care became more than routine; it became a ritual. When I checked the system each day, I wasn’t just looking after the fish and plants — I could feel myself becoming calmer too. The rhythm of feeding, observing, and maintaining became a kind of moving meditation. My mind would slow. My body would match the steady flow of the water.

Rebuilding Connection Through Caring for Living Things

And something else happened too — the fish began to recognise me. They’d swim toward me when I approached, gathering near the surface in quiet anticipation. That tiny flicker of trust, built through repetition and care, was healing in a way I hadn’t expected. It reminded me that connection doesn’t always need words. Sometimes it’s built through time, patience, and gentle consistency.

When you’re used to chaos or rejection, that kind of connection — even with an animal — can shift something deep within you. It can remind you that safety and trust can be rebuilt slowly, through small actions that add up.

It’s not just about the fish, of course. It’s about what they represent: a living reflection of your own capacity to nurture. When you’ve spent years surviving, it’s easy to forget that you still hold the ability to create, protect, and sustain life. But every time you feed your fish, water your plants, or tend to your garden, you remind yourself that you can.

Caring for living things becomes a bridge back to caring for yourself.

How Caring for Others Helped Me Care for Myself

Eventually, I started eating more regularly — because it felt wrong to feed the fish and not myself. I started keeping a steadier routine, because the system needed consistency. Without forcing anything, the act of caring for them began to extend inward. It wasn’t dramatic. It was slow, steady, and real.

That’s the quiet power of aquaponics, and of garden therapy in general. It gives you a reason to show up — not out of guilt, but out of connection. It pulls you out of your mind and into the rhythm of life around you.

Want to Read More About My Experience With Aquaponics, PTSD and Anxiety?

My Invisible Therapist shares more of my personal journey with aquaponics and the unexpected role it played in helping me reconnect with myself during difficult periods of PTSD and anxiety.

For me, one of the most powerful parts was seeing the connection between caring for an aquaponics system and caring for my own well-being. Through that daily routine, I began to find more space, purpose and perspective around the thoughts and trauma I was carrying.

Get your digital copy of My Invisible Therapist HERE.

Can Caring for Plants and Animals Help Your Mental Wellbeing?

Caring for plants or animals can provide routine, meaningful activity, connection and time spent engaging with the natural world. Research into gardening and horticultural therapy suggests there may be benefits for wellbeing, mood, anxiety and depression, although gardening should not be considered a replacement for professional mental health care. For me, aquaponics provided something even simpler: a reason to keep showing up each day.

Sometimes Healing Starts With Something Small

Some days, healing doesn’t begin with affirmations or big changes. It begins with the simple act of showing up for something that depends on you — even when you can’t yet show up for yourself.

And maybe that’s the point. Healing isn’t always about fixing yourself first. Sometimes it’s about remembering that life still flows through you — and that, in caring for it, you start to find your way back home.

Check out My YouTube Channel 'Candy The Aquaponics Lady'

Aquaponics is an ecosystem, and with anything it takes time to learn how it works. So, sit back and binge watch my 'how to' playlist and the 'Water Quality Made Simple' Playlist, and learn the next steps in your aquaponics system as you create the ecosystem.

Learn how to help reduce anxiety and achieve sensory harmony with aquaponics with the FREE Online Aquaponics Essentials Course!

This is a great free resource to really understand how aquaponics is a sustainable ecosystem that will grow your organic food is a productive way.

You learn how all the 'parts' make up the 'whole', and helps to give you the foundations of understanding aquaponics.

Sign up HERE

Candy Alexander is a dedicated aquaponics enthusiast with a wealth of formal training in aquaculture. Over the past 15 years, Candy has been deeply immersed in both commercial and backyard aquaponics, honing her skills and expertise in this sustainable farming method.

Candy's passion lies in making aquaponics accessible to everyone. With a mission to simplify aquaponics, she believes that anyone can embark on this sustainable journey.

She encourages those new to aquaponics to "kick the tires" without a significant financial investment. Her guidance focuses on helping people start their aquaponics journey with small-scale systems, ensuring a low barrier to entry for newcomers.

Candy shares practical tips, step-by-step guides, and personal stories to inspire and guide readers on their aquaponics adventure. Whether you're a seasoned farmer or a curious beginner, Candy Alexander is your go-to source for simplifying aquaponics and fostering a sustainable gardening experience.